Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Gesture of the Day...Shhhh! The Librarian Cold-Cock

For the Gesture of the Day, I tried so hard to find a photo of a fierce, old school librarian peering over her bifocals--you know, sending searing death rays of disapproval out over the top of her glasses as she says "SHhhhh!" The hairy eyeball beaming up and ovah in a single bound!

No dice. Librarians have undergone significant re-branding since my five years of working in a library back in high school/post-high school. All photos of librarians are now of sexy librarians. All the gals peering over their bifocals are super cute. It has thwarted me. Although, there is some evidence that the librarian re-branding effort has been underway for awhile:
Shameless hussleton! Lounging all provocatively on the card catalog...disheveled weskit leaving nothing to the imagination...pocket-square dashingly akimbo.
So, sure: There is an astoundingly large variety of photos of all kinds with people peering over glasses--befuddled senior, cute kid, focused businessman, aforementioned sexy gals, slightly tough-looking gals who still look like they're about to get naked rather than date-stamp your forehead in rage--but nobody is firing off a suitably super fierce look. Except...Hang on...
YEAH! Hooray for E-40 and the excellent group of photos, 24 Pictures of E-40 Peering Over Rather Than Through His Reading Glasses. This is great--this is the exact same look that the librarian who trained me gave me when I started putting the non-fiction on the shelves by author's first name rather than dewey decimal system number! The message: Check yourself. 100% the same look. So: Use E-40 as your guide...fire off a non-sexy over-the-glasses look today in tribute to the many librarians of yore.

In related news, I understand that E-40 has a slang dictionary--I really need it, as much of my slang is super stale and I resort to descriptive language such as "super stale." Yet, I cannot find E-40's dictionary online. This means that to keep things fresh I'll have to bring back the old slang that I'm familiar with...and I mean really old...from old books. Feel free to give me a hand and smoothly introduce the following into your daily "chinwags":

"Say, what's the dialogue about?"="What's the big deal?"
"Jamoke"="Big Lug"=Lovable Loser
"Grouch bag"=Purse or money bag
"Rough-hustled"=Handled toughly or manhandled
Pie Wagon=Police Van

Sure, people will cock their heads at you in confusion for awhile, but you can rock the lingo. I know you can.