Saturday, April 28, 2012


I went fishing. It was a good day. I did not catch any fish. I did not catch any poison ivy. Study each of the following photos very carefully to identify the aquatic life that I captured with my Lens of Truth.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Low-Maintenance Tenant

I like to think I'm my landlord's favorite tenant. A non-fussy tenant, a timely rent-paying tenant, a swell tenant, a tenant's tenant--a low-maintenance tenant. Lately, I'm not so sure.

Sparkle E-mails Landlord:
Have a bathroom sink snafu that I could use some advice or help with:
1) Bathroom sink is clogged, backs up quickly if I run water, and drains very slowly. (Is it my hair? Not sure what else to blame.)
2) I hate using Drano (and am not even sure if I'm supposed to, given the septic system).
3) Tried using white vinegar, which helped a little but not much.

Is there something you'd like me to do? Drano? Something else?

Landlord E-mails Sparkle:
It's easy to fix. I can do it in 5 min. I think you can probably do it too if you want to try. Look behind the drain pipe that exits the sink for a fitting about 3/4 in. in diameter with a short horizontal rod sticking out. The rod will connect to another flat or round upright rod that goes upwards to the pop-up handle. A little spring clip connects the short rod to the upright rod. You just have to slide the upright rod off the short horizontal rod. Then twist the fitting at the back of the drain that the short rod sticks out of. Pull the short rod and the fitting out (the short rod will have a ball in the middle of it. Then lift the pop-up drain plug up. With all the guts out of the drain, run water to flush the clog down the drain.

Or I can get to it next week.

Sparkle E-mails Landlord:
Look forward to seeing you next week! What time are you back?
(In my defense, the problem turned out to be more complicated.)
Landlord is back. Sparkle greets him at front door.

Sparkle to Landlord: "Thanks for coming by to help with the sink! Something else just came up--did you happen to see the front yard as you drove in?"
Landlord: "Yep."

Something Else Came Up

Sparkle to Landlord: "Heh! Firewood, huh?"
Landlord: "Yep."

Monday, April 23, 2012

It is Nice to Have the Look of Someone Funny

Checkout Gal (scanning groceries...boop boop): "You know, I keep meaning to tell you this when you come in. You look exactly like a comedian on TV."
Sparkle: "Oh!" ( can't be good)
Checkout Gal (boop boop): "YES! Let me tell you! You have a twin out there!"
Sparkle: "It is nice to have the look of someone funny!" (I don't know what I meant either.)
Checkout Gal (boop boop): "Sure! Exactly the same! Those glasses, that hair. That smile!"
(Sparkle to self: I'm wearing my new glasses...I have dark hair...the smile...oh my god! I know who it is!)
Sparkle: "Who is it? Who is it?"
Checkout Gal (scanning...boop boop): "I wish I could remember the name. I've seen her there a lot on the TV. You know, the one that's on TV a lot! I'm sure I'll think of it next time you're in."
(Sparkle to self: Her...whew. ix-nay on the Phil Silvers. Excellent. But??? Who? Let's think positive for a moment...)
(Okay, positivity slipped there towards the end.)

Sparkle: "You don't mean a cartoon, right? You mean a comedian?"
Checkout Gal (handing me my bags): "Yes, sugar. A comedian. Have a good one!"
Sparkle: "Thanks! Have a great day!" (I'm going to have to find a new store.)

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Person?

Dear New Hampshire Legislators,

At this time, I would like to query you concerning section 266:1, Inspection Authorized, of TITLE XXI MOTOR VEHICLES, CHAPTER 266 EQUIPMENT OF VEHICLES.

266:1 Inspection Authorized. –
I. The director may require the inspection of any vehicle, except an OHRV, snowmobile, moped, or any other vehicle exempted under this chapter, to determine whether it is fit to be driven. Such inspection shall be made at such times and in such manner as the director may specify, subject to the requirements set forth in this section.
II. Any vehicle registered under this title, except an OHRV, snowmobile, moped, or other exempt vehicle, shall be inspected once a year, during the month in which the birth date of the owner is observed, if the owner is a natural person.

My mind runs wild with possibilities. Please explain yourself!