Monday, January 21, 2008

People Are A Mystery To Dogs

1) WTF? They put fruit on their heads?
2) OMG. They put fruit on their heads and they rub stuff into their armpits that smells weird? If they wanna change the way they smell, why don't they just go ROLL in something? Something nice and earthy?
3) WTF? Why don't they want to sniff this pole with me? Idiots! Nimrods! This pole has a nice, splintery nose with a nutty undertone that carries hints of telecommunications and a layered bouquet of several large german shepherds. This is a two-hour sniffin' pole.
4) OMG. That squirrel is asking for it. It is BEGGING to be barked at and chased. Barked at! Chased! Barked at! Chased! What's with this, "It's just a squirrel, honey," nonsense. IT'S A SQUIRREL! IT'S A FREAKIN' SQUIRREL, YOU FOOL!
5) So, let me get this straight. You talk into the little box and you watch the big box? And, you do these things when there is a big, fat squirrel outside taunting you? FOOL!
6) Look. I like to eat some things that you don't like to eat. And you like to eat some things that I don't like to eat. Let's just accept that, okay? Now, give me the damn silica gel.