Thursday, July 24, 2008

Emergency Supplies

We interrupt this regularly scheduled program because we're in a pickle. Yesterday, the power went off for six hours due to what appears to have been a slight case of the tornados. So, no power. No water. Trees in road to be kicked and slapped futilely out of the way. Today: Doctor appointment and deadlines aplenty a go go. So, the nature of Clinky's peril needs to stay unknown at the moment while I briefly examine and evaluate the status of my emergency supply cabinet. In theory, I know what I should have as back-up supplies--in truth, very little seems to apply to an emergency of no power/no water.

1) Canned Goods--okay in theory and I do have a non-electric can opener, but my stove is electric and my microwave is electric so how are canned goods (e.g., soup) supposed to HELP?
2) A Half Container of Milk and a Half Container of Grapefruit Juice--bad, bad, bad. When you have no water, these substances are NOT viable substitutes. No, not in any way, shape, or form.
3) Frozen Eggrolls--not as much of a storm necessity as previously assumed.
4) Extra blankets--no help whatsoever in yesterday's storm.
5) No battery-operated radio except the old, round one that looks like a UFO and has a key chain attached to it. Unfortunately, it just pulls in Spanish-speaking stations. I don't know why this is, it just is. And, although she is from Mexico Lily still refuses to translate, claiming that "You won't get the jokes."
6) Plenty of extra batteries: Yes. Except all of the batteries fit the remote control for the television and not the flashlights. I believe I am going to force myself to undergo survival training because my battery situation is just pitiful.
7) Candles: Do the floating butterfly ones count? As I viewed them yesterday, in the dark and disapproving gloaming of no electricity, they did not seem to count.
8) Saw to cut downed trees in the middle of the road: Well, there are some giant ones in the basement, but my instinct is that if I attempt to use one I will be the one missing a limb and not the hazardous tree blocking the road in front of where I live. I do give myself points here for good tree moving technique merely by kicking and dragging the trees and bending and snapping road-blocking branches.
9) Matches. Well, sure. I've got plenty of matches but with few candles and no need to make a fire, how are they supposed to come in handy? Am I supposed to become a pyromaniac in the absence of the entertainment of the television? Hang on. Dang. I suppose they are to be used for the non-existent little sterno or camping stove that I'm meant to heat up my canned goods on? Oops.
10) My cell phone. Well, I gotta give my cell phone points. It worked even 'though the landlines were down. I'll be damned--I think that's what cell phones might actually be for, huh? And, I could have recharged it with my car--which had a lot of gas.

To sum up: In the event of a tornado, I am useless on the homefront so I should drive around yammering on my cell phone and kicking and pulling trees out of the road?