Monday, October 15, 2007

Sketchy and Random Week, Day 1!

So, my posts this weekend will be sketchy and random--more so than usual, that is. First, it's important to note that when I say "sketchy" I mean "cursory, rough, meager, and crude" and not "morally shady, ethically questionable, or sexually intriguing." I think my favorite usage of "sketchy" in this nuevo, morally shady way was by my niece.

Sparkle: "So, how was your trip to Venice, Italy niece?"
Niece: "I don't know. Venice was kind of...sketchy."

I was pretty surpised that "sketchy" was her major impression, but then I thought about this movie I saw a long time ago called "Don't Look Now." This is the scary midget from that movie, and now that I remember it Venice had its sketchy moments. Second, as far as "random" goes, I do not mean "weird" in that nuevo way. Wait, maybe I do mean a little weird--this is dinosaur casserole, after all, and occasionally weirdness pops by for a visit. Mostly, 'though, I mean it will be a week of posts made without definite aim, reason, or pattern, and...wait a second. Why am I bothering to tell you this? That's my usual M.O., isn't it? I might as well say something deep like "This blog is on the World Wide Web!" Anyhoo, on to the sketchy and random topics for the day.

This weekend, I was trying to come up with unlikely foods, which is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel because there are so many:

1) Turnipz (the light little cracker with the big turnip taste!)--tap-dancing turnips are on the box.

2) Moogurt with Gravola—rich, beef-flavored yogurt with a little plastic dome filled with mix-in gravy crunchies!

3) Hamgurt!

4) Hoofait--lil' lunchbox-sized layered puddins' with three creamy, real hoof flavors (goat hoof, cow hoof, and camel hoof).

5) Ham-fu--ham-flavored tofu (hold on, I think I figured out this is pretty much Spam).

6) Foodcheese--real cheese flavored cheesefood.

7) Spinachos--spinach-flavored tortilla chips (I don't think this belongs's too close to possible. You could have a great package design with a big hypno-wheel on the front and a little spinacho in the middle of the wheel. PAY me if you do this, dang it.).

8) Loafaloos with mini-mashalos--you already figured this one out, right? Cereal made of tiny meatloafs with dehydrated potato "mashalos." Add milk and it's...dinner.

9) Beansicle--a refreshing, high-protein ice pop made with eight kinds of beans.

10) Mock Ritz Pie--A mock ritz cracker mock apple pie made with circus peanuts and saltines. Is there no end to the mockery?