1) Mission Accomplished! I have made someone snot tea out of their nose laughing. This makes me very, very happy because I live to make people snot liquids out of their noses. I began at quite a young age, doing whatever I could to make my sister snot root beer out of her nose. This often won me the gift of not just her girlish laughter, but a fierce little slappy fight; it is very painful to snot root beer out of your nose.
2) Fight Lily the Monster! What is your monster and can it beat my monster? My monster Lily is a Giant Dragon that spins Vast Webs, has X-Ray Vision and a Humorous Nephew Sidekick, and CANNOT BE STOPPED. The Web site that the monster fight is on is fun--check it out.
3) Mission Aborted! Every morning, I pull up the blinds and look out the window at this birdhouse. I love this birdhouse, and the other day I decided I wanted to stick a plastic dinosaur in the entryway of the birdhouse and take a photograph of it. This might not surprise you.
Anyhoo, when I got closer to the birdhouse, I noticed a ton of nesting materials bunched up inside. It would bum me out to have a giant plastic dinosaur butt thrust into my house--yeah, you too, huh?--so I can't take the photograph. RATS!
4) England Beats America!
All these years, we've been deluding ourselves into thinking that we "won" the Revolutionary War. Well, take a look at all of their different kinds of potato chips (aka crisps) and realize the depth of our folly. Here is a very brief sampling: Brannigans Roast Beef and Mustard Flavor Thick Cut Potato Crisps, Brannigans Smoked Ham and Pickle Flavor Thick Cut Potato Crisps, Burts Hand Fried Potato Chips Hot Chilli Lemon Flavour, Burts Hand Fried Potato Chips Mature Cheddar Cheese Flavour, Eat My Goal! Hot & Spicy Cheesy Balls, Eat My Shorts, Golden Wonder Curry Flavor Quite Hot Crisps, Golden Wonder Sausage & Tomato Flavour Crisps, Hula Hoops Prawn Cocktail Flavour Potato Rings, McCoy's Flame Grilled Steak Flavour Ridge Cut Potato Chips. WALKERS ROAST TURKEY WITH PAXO SAGE AND ONION FLAVOUR CRISPS! GIMME!
5) Exercise Moderation in Moderation
Last but not least, here: Have some festive baked beans with "moderate amounts of wine." To enhance the festiveness, I recommend discarding the idea of moderation and perhaps limiting the amount of beans involved.