Thursday, November 8, 2007

BERTIE GOES HOBO!

[Before we begin, I recommend this book by Jack London! It's all available online with cool old photos. Now...on to today's action-packed post.]

Hey, Bertie! Check it out! I'm growing the elite team of rescue experts to help you save your pals from the robots! Actually, I'm a little bit concerned about Tippy the Turtle--he's lurking in the top of the jar in that "fish-to-be-flushed" kind of way--but you never wanted him anyway, huh? Anyhoo, here they are!I think they look a tad sluggish, but this is just the first day. I figure that if they come out looking not-so-elite I'll just hire a personal trainer for them. Like this guy:Bertie? Yoo-hoo...Bertie?

Holy cow. You know, I SAW that big, spotted handkerchief with all of Bertie's possessions lying near a stick last night, but I just thought, "He must not have put away his Halloween costume yet." I know he has been a little mad at me, but I never put two and two together. Good lord, much like these schoolchildren, Bertie has gone hobo!
How on earth will he survive out there? I mean, let's face it, dinosaurs have a very poor track record of surviving, period. But, let's review. He doesn't have any hobo soup, to my knowledge:
He doesn't know how to steal pies and run gleefully away:
He doesn't KNOW the hobo signs:
He doesn't HAVE a clever sign to help him raise $$$:
Most importantly, Bertie has NO idea how to ride the rails.
And he doesn't know how hostile it is out there! Hobos already have a very hard life. Does Bertie think it will be an easier for a small, plastic dinosaur hobo? C'mon!
A Chain Gang! Oh, man. Bertie is so screwed. But hang on, I just realized something. Bertie has had that sexy poster of popular children's program host Hobo Kelly on his wall for awhile. I don't think he realizes that Hobo Kelly is not on TV anymore! I bet he went out there to try to join HER gang of quirky creatures. GEEZ! Bertie chose Hobo Kelly over me! Dang it! I knew I should have purchased a jaunty little hat this fall. TARNATION! Well, at least I hope he writes a note to let me know he's okay. Hollywood is a meat grinder of wannabe stars. I wonder if he's gonna go hang out at Schwab's Drug Store or somethin'?
Attributions of images and photos: First one is mine, second one is from Popular Mechanics, hobo signs come from Slacktivate, the pie guy is by Norman Rockwell, the hobo under the train is from the book by Jack London, the picture of Hobo Kelly is from the Web site above, and I'm finked if I know where I got the rest of the images. In any event, all of this material is being used purely for educational purposes and I will be glad to take any images down if need be.