Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Myths and Realities of World War II

Have you heard about the key role that dinosaurs played during World War II? The little known reality was shown in this fine Nova program recently:
Throughout World War II, an elite unit of flying dinosaurs closely followed Hitler wherever he went and crapped all over him. It was an incredible nuisance, frayed his nerves considerably, and served as a powerful propaganda (or "poopaganda," as they laughingly called it) tool for the British. "For poo and queen!" was the dinos' rallying cry, and they received a hero's welcome whenever they flew back into London for some badly needed R&R (they liked to float around in the Thames, drinking lager and cooling their ragged wings).

Doesn't this explain a lot? For example, now you know why Hitler's hair always looks so limp and plastered down in every photo you've seen of him. Lack of advanced mousse product? Dippity-Doo and Vitalis overdose? Oh, no no no. It was the grim duty of a squad of young SS operatives to hose the dino poop off him every 20 minutes or so, and his hair was always sopping wet.

So! Now you know! What? You're not going to take my word for it? Okay. No problem. Here is sound photographic documentation (if you insist): That's Flyboy Bletchley up there, known for singing the musical hits of the day as he let loose over Hitler. Of course, dinosaurs were also hard at work elsewhere in the service--while they did not make good spies, due to their large size and inability to effectively infiltrate enemy strongholds, many were hard at work in poopaganda mills. They came up with this one: (You can tell they were a little poo-obsessed.)

As well as this one:
The dinosaurs were VERY insistent about car-sharing clubs. In an interview with the BBC, Alf Weatherall, a World War II vet and retired salesman from Quidnamhampnamshire, noted "The dinosaur chappies were awfully particular about that car-sharing club campaign. Pushed it through, they did. They just kept muttering stuff about 'wasting fossil fuels.' Dead sensitive about it, they were."

History! Delicious served alone or with a side of fried potatoes! Get some today!