Thursday, September 27, 2007

Bad Words

"Good morning! Yeah, we're breaking the Fourth Wall yet again. By this point, we are in a condition of peril so very dire that we are nearly beyond rescue. She better bail us out of this sometime soon. Anyhoo, she want us to pass along a list of filthy words today. Here goes!"

1) Liver.
2) Bottleneck.
3) Test.
4) Stench.
5) FU##! It is important to note that "Fudge," "Funk," "Frick" are not bad words--although Lois did get in trouble for using "Frick." (Note: FU## is a useful word, and I admit to using it upon occasion. Yet, it must be a bad word because it scares my neighbors so very badly when I bellow it aloud after smacking my head on a cabinet and making a sound like a pumpkin smashed on the pavement.)
6) SH##! It is important to note that "Shinola," "Sheesh," and "Sugar" are not bad words. (Note: SH## is a useful and satisfying word, and I admit to using it upon occasion. Yet, it must be a bad word because I feel guilty if I bellow it aloud around a child.)
7) Bloody! I'm not sure why this appears to be such a bad swear word overseas. Is it? Can anyone explain? Do I not understand because I'm from the violent U.S. and "bloody" is everywhere...practically part of the names of our breakfast cereals? Bloody Oaties with Marshmallow Clusters (lead-painted toys in every box)?
8) Splinter.
9) Oozy. "Seeping" is pretty bad, too.
10) Crusty is a word that can be disgusting or delicious--entirely depends on the context. Combine crusty with stench and oozy and you've got a recipe for gut-wrenching nausea. Yet, crusty plays happily with macaroni and cheese. Ahhhhh.
11) But this is about bad words. Like: Deadline! Anything that has to do with mortality AND work simultaneously cannot be good.
12) "scopy"--anything with a "scopy" at the end of it is bad. You don't find a lot of delicious chocolatescopy (chocoscopy) in this world, do you?
13) Probe. See scopy above.
14) ?????
15) ????
16) ????