Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Breaking the Fourth Wall and Compliments!

Happy Breaking the Fourth Wall Day! Yes, we're still in dire peril from the robots, but we really need to take over the blog today because Sparkle is in a deep funk. This morning, she thought she'd invented something called a "compliment generator" that, when you pressed a button, would say things that would make people glow with happiness. We heard her muttering, "I'll make a million with this one!" We had to break it to her that there are already about a million of those suckers on the Interweb. In fact, she's listed her favorite one at the end of this post, "The Surrealist Compliment Generator." Anyhoo, she's sticking by her guns and she's come up with three of her OWN primitive compliment generators. It's lame because there are no nifty buttons to push to see the answers.

1) COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Baby, when they made you they broke the mold!"
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Baby, you look less like mold today than you did yesterday!"
RANDOM COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Baby, mold gives us healing penicillin, so IF you looked like mold, I would worship you. In fact, I worship you for NOT being a death-making disease!"

2) COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"I thank god for sending you, the hottest angel, down to earth!"
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"You look like an angel--one of those "special ones" god keeps hidden in the attic."
RANDOM COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Hey, what if you were a violent, pissed-off fallen angel with a machine gun? That would suck. I worship you for NOT being a violent, pissed-off fallen angel with a machine gun!"

3) COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Boy! You're in great shape!"
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Boy! You're in great shape, you know, compared to what you looked like before!"
RANDOM COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Hey, you know what has a neat shape? A dodecahedron has a neat shape! If you were shaped like that, I'd worship you! In fact, let me close my eyes. I'm picturing you all dodecahedron-shaped and I worship you!"

4) COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"You sure are funny!"
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"I guess that would have been funny if I could have understood your squeaky little voice!"
RANDOM COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"An old ham said to a young lamb, 'I thought I could act, son, but YOU, YOU'VE got chops!' I'm going to pretend you made up that joke and quietly worship you."

5) COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"You sure are smart!"
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"Isn't it neat that you like to say things that you think are smart! Good for you!"
RANDOM COMPLIMENT GENERATOR
"People's brains are gray and squooshy. I bet yours is more gray and squooshier than anyone else's! I worship you!"

And now, please go to the SURREALIST COMPLIMENT GENERATOR and get your surreal compliment for the day! Mine is: "Your eyes glow like naked livers burning in the sun." Which is eerily true.