Monday, August 17, 2015

Improper High School Mascots Square Off: Rabid Potato Meets Chief Eyebrow

Today is an important day. It is the birthday of the person who once dared me to eat an earwig on a ritz cracker--my older sister. She cannot be blamed, it is part of what older sisters must do sometimes to keep the younger ones in check. Despite the unseemly earwig incident, she is the best sister in the world. So, as a tribute, here's a game we play: Put together combinations of words to make good, bad, or ugly names of 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s fake rock bands. Examples: Spectral Pudding (an art rock band); Crunchen (heavy metal--an umlaut goes over the u); Wombatz; Joseph Cotten & His Trusses; The Peter Jennings Experience; The Blintzes! If you don't feel like it now, try it out sometime when you're waiting for your Chinese food to be ready (and yes, go ahead and order the peking ravioli, they're good).

AND NOW...on to the Improper High School Mascots.

"AUUUUGH! Kill! Maim! Blood! Spleens! Squishy! Splurty!"

"Oh, man. The game isn't for another half hour. Take a break. Catch your breath. What the hell are you supposed to be, anyway? An angry baked potato?"


"Ah, I got through to you, huh?"

"AUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Pause. Pause. Pause. "I look like an angry baked potato?"

"My friend, I am torn between craving extra sour cream and butter and wondering, 'Will that potato bite me before I can bite it?'"

"Our concession stand has superior hot dogs! auuuuuugh..."

"Whatever. Personally, I'd sue the dude that 'drew' me. But, yeah, sure. Hold onto that, okay?"