Sunday, August 9, 2015

Ms. Blandings is Downcast

I am searching for a compact, affordable house with some land. I am doomed. These are things that I have heard in my travels, and that I would not like to hear anymore, please.

1) "The economy is slow, but it will pick right back up when the uranium mining starts!"

2) "There is no well as such."

3) "You're okay with bugs, right? They are not small bugs. There are a few families of them."

4) "We had a professional-grade composting toilet, but we didn't like it so we put in our 'indoor outhouse.'"

5) "The septic system is in excellent working order, we're just not sure where it is."

6) "I mentioned the 4.5 foot wide underground pipeline that runs through the property and has that easement, right? Yeah, it worried me a little, too, but so far so good!"

7) "The dwelling is not exactly habitable, but might well be made so."

8) "When the wind shifts, some find the aroma to be strong. We like it."

9) "It's an old building, so just keep an eye on those cracks in the wall."

10) "The plumbing is more or less 'roughed in.'"

I find this honesty to be refreshing, and yet dispiriting. Don't mind me. I'll just sit here quietly soothing myself by gazing at Cary's mesmirizing cleftiness.

Coming Attractions: Odd squirrels, shocked dinosaurs, mascot smackdowns, and strawberry/rhubarb/currant pie.