Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Welcome to May 2015!
1) Hooray! May is National Brain Tumor Awareness Month. By the laws and traditions of Brain Tumor Awareness Month, this means that it is time to take a brain tumor out to lunch, buy it flowers, and/or send it candy. It is not appropriate to express awareness by giving gold or diamond jewelry to a brain tumor. That's "fawning"--not "awareness."
2) May 12 is International Nurses Day. Do NOT celebrate nurses within the U.S. on this day. Furthermore, if a U.S. nurse attempts to give you soup or medication on this day, demand to see an International Nurse. (Sometimes U.S. nurses pretend to be International Nurses by adopting fake accents--do not let them fool you.)
3) May 15 marks the beginning of Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month. Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month extends through June 15. WHA? First: Why is Tourette Syndrome encroaching upon Brain Tumor's turf? There's going to be a rumble between the Tourette and Tumor gangs! Second: How can I be aware of both things from May 15-May 31? I can only be aware of one health-related thing at a time. Third: Why must Tourette Syndrome get the butt end of the month? Okay, this is all too troubling. I have to move on.
4) May is National Moving Month, in recognition of "the official start of the household goods industry's peak moving season." In celebration, I suggest you pick up an object, any object, in front of you and move it five inches. If you like, you can just spin your cursor around in little circles. That counts. Enjoy the small, yet vital role you are playing in celebrating the household goods industry's peak moving season.