Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Obama Approval Rating "Plummets," "Skyrockets," then "Does a Dippy Do"

PRINCETON, NJ--An exhausted Barack Obama's pledge to cure the nation’s ills by finding Leprechaun Gold has increased his public support to 67%, just two points below his term high. In an “off-mic” comment following a recent speech, the president muttered, “Look, gimme a break. I’ve been in office 57 days. Why don’t I just fix everything by hunting down a leprechaun, hitting him with ‘me shillaley,’ and stealing his treasure?” The resultant upswing in his popularity has been directly linked to the impending leprechaun hunt—quickly dubbed “Operation Endearing Lucky Charms” by pundits—and comes on the heels of a term-low 59% reported by Gallup.

Obama's promise appears to have won him support he had been losing in prior days, and then some. A whopping 9 out of 10 voters expressed their belief that Obama’s pledge was “magically delicious.” In Gallup’s phone survey, the majority of those interviewed had guidance to share with the president. John Atherton of Boise, Idaho stated, “I guess you could call me cautiously optimistic about this bold new plan. He just needs to be really careful and sneak up on the leprechaun. He should get some stealthy shoes—maybe Hush Puppies.” Katy O’Rourke of Sunapee, New Hampshire reflected, “I think that after all this time—I mean, it’s been over two months and everything isn’t all better—Obama is finally on the right track. But, I think he should also consider waving his magic wand and fixing everything. I think that would be good, too.”

The current approval rebound is due to increased support from all political groups, but especially from independents, Republicans, and the segment of the population that wears “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirts on March 17. Yet, another group of voters may feel differently.When asked to comment on Obama's pledge, Leprechaun-American community spokesman Jinxie O'Doublooney turned pale green and stammered, "But we only gots a wee bit o' pots o' gold left. Bernie O'Madoff got most o' our treasure and the rest hae been a'tankin' in our 401ks." While some do not believe the Leprechaun-Americans' claims of poverty, the community's outcry prompted the Obama camp to issue a statement that, "Operation Lucky Charms was an ill-advised joke made by Vice-President Joe Biden and in no way expresses any intentions on the part of the President to seize the Leprechaun-American community's assets." As this story was filed, Gallup was in the process of recalculating Obama's approval rating. A spokesman for Gallup stated, "I dunno. The approval rating is maybe 62%? 61.5%? We're in the middle of debating whether we can officially say it is plummeting. Right now it looks like it's doing a Dippy Do."