Saturday, March 6, 2010

Operation!

There's a big scandal afoot! All of these cops have been arrested and are on "desk duty" (which sounds kinda comfy and relaxing--is this a reward or a punishment? Are they denied cheese danish privileges? Are they included in the lunch run? "Okay, what do you want for lunch, Stan?" "Ham on rye and a..." "No, Stan, you can have gravel or you can have bark chips--which?") for being involved with a drug ring.*
The local news media has dubbed this entirely shocking turn of events...wait for it, wait for it...

OPERATION DECEPTION (but there's no ominous theme song, as yet--they might be working on it)

I think two things about this.
Thing 1: I now want to become a criminal because I can outrun these guys.
Let me be clear: I can outrun very few people and if I laughingly pretend to "lose a foot race" to a 2-year-old, I am lying. I am losing a foot race to a 2-year-old. I am built somewhat along the lines of a dachsund--without the tail and cuteness. But, it fills me with pride to know that I can outrun these guys. Later today, I go out to buy my bandit mask and the special soft-soled shoes you need to creep around on your tiptoes. G'bless, boys. You have given me a new career.

Thing 2:
What kind of half-hindquartered name is this for a sizzing hot scandal? C'mon. You can do better. I can do better. Here goes.
"Operation Snow Blows!" (this is to set an example for the DARE kids)
"Operation Whaddya Mean 'Deception'? Haven't You Ever Seen A Crooked Cop Movie?" 
"Operation Expected" (okay, perhaps this is a bit cynical)


*Are drug-selling cabals always rings? Why circular? Aren't drug operations more complex than that? Wouldn't a Drug Dodecahedron be more accurate? Sheesh. It's always up to me to point these things out.