Thursday, December 10, 2009

Superlatives!



Rex: "Hi, everybody! The super-cruise ship known as Oasis of the Seas has many superlatives associated with it!" 

Nat: "I disapprove of superlatives. If you advertise, it's good to say stuff is crappier than it is--then people can be surprised and be all, "This isn't crappy! Why this is almost great!" Low expectations. I thrive amongst low expectations. Of course, no expectations are even better." 

Rex: "Where was I? Hi, kids! So, Oasis of the Seas has many superlatives! And, these superlatives make it an awful lot like this blog. Let me give you some examples!"
 
Fact: Oasis of the Seas is "The largest and most revolutionary cruise ship at sea!" 
Fact: Dinosaur Casserole is "The largest blog featuring small plastic dinosaurs in cyberspace until someone tells us otherwise! While it is not revolutionary, it probably has something to do with evolution--loosely speaking!"
   
Nat: "This is stupid."
 

Rex: "Awesome, huh? Here's some more!"
Fact: The Oasis of the Seas features "...the first zip line on a cruise ship, a thrilling 82 feet ride (25 meters), in the Sports Zone [neighborhood], suspended nine decks above the Boardwalk!" 
Fact: Dinosaur Casserole will never have a zip line of any kind. That is so. However, Sparkle Plenty, creator of Dinosaur Casserole, has been quoted as saying "NO! I am super sure I won't ride the first zip line on a cruise ship--possibly any zip line on OR off any cruise ship."


Nat: "Coward. Dude, this is now painful. I gotta get outta here. I'm grabbing the "S" from the banner--despite its dubious strengths as a flotation device--and am-scraying."

 Rex: "Yes. I, too, find striking similarities between the Oasis of the Seas superlatives and those of Dinosaur Casserole!"
Fact: "The AquaTheater features first-ever acrobatic, synchronized and high-dive performances on the high seas with a talented cast of Olympic and National Collegiate Athletic Association divers." 
Fact: "Sparkle Plenty went to college. She can pretty much swim. At least she could do so the last time she went swimming. Yeah, possibly the water wings helped, but she was super afloat. She did not super drown! And, her performance was enjoyed by MANY. Including the toddler who rescued her!"

Nat: "AUGH!"

Rex: "So, to wrap up, I'll share two more astonishing superlatives; they are sure to astonish you."
 Fact: "Oasis of the Seas is the first ship to feature not one, but two FlowRiders in the Sports Zone."

Nat: "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! This is AWESOME!"
 

Rex: "YEAH! It IS awesome!...Wait...what is awesome?"
 
Nat: "Why why why...Never did I DREAM this was possible! The ship is gonna have two low riders?!!!! THIS IS IMMENSE! D'you think it's my friends, Hector and Manny? 'cause Hector has a sweet, tricked-out Impala and Manny's got that fiiiiine Lincoln Continental and...ALL MY FRIENDS LOVE A LOWRIDER!!! This is possibly the only thing I've ever approved of--next to the Floating HoJo's."
 
Rex: "FLOWrider...the first technology that allows the fun and excitement of surfing."

 Nat: "Excuse me. I must retreat and recalibrate my expectations."