Thursday, August 30, 2007

Bertie Got Away! He'll Help Us, Won't He?

“Hey! Bertie got away! He’ll help us, won’t he? Berrrrrrtieeeeeeee!”
"I don't know, man, sometimes Bertie has his own agenda."
"All my friends know the low rider...The low rider is a little higher...Low rider drives a little slower...Low rider is a real goer...Low rider knows every street yeah...Low rider is the one to meet yeah!"
"My beautiful ice princess. I have the wine. I have the truck. Please let me melt your heart with my liquid fire. Oh, shit, sir. I'm sorry. Look, dude, if you're going to rock the androgynous style, you're going to get a few wrong numbers, okay? Not that there's anything wrong with that, y'know, but...No, I'm not tapping your foot with my foot. Do you HAVE feet? Why are you Republicans so confusing?" Sound of burning rubber.
"Hey, baby! That's a pretty good workout. Do you lift? I lift. Yes. I see you're rather fit, and I appreciate that in a woman. Look, as you might note I have a truck. I also have some nice wine. What's that? The figure of Nataraja presents the visual concept of Lord Shiva’s dance--the faith that human life emanates from and consists of the five prime elements like fire, water, space, wind and earth? Uh, no. I didn't know that. Could I get back to you on that?" Oh great, I get "a talker." Sound of burning rubber.
"Excuse me, miss. While I've been extinct for awhile and out of the dating scene, I have heard a thing or two about Catholic schoolgirls from Mr. William Joel. So, I have this lovely wine. And, as you see I have a fine truck. And, what's that? What about my friends? Yes, I did leave them in a predicament. Yes, in a pickle, if you will. But, let's forget about them, and...Look, can you stop talking about them? Oh, crap. rrrri rrrri rrrri sound of stalled truck Oh, geez. Okay, okay. I'll go rescue them. Here, just take the wine--it hasn't done me any good. What's that music swelling up? Oh, sure. "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana? Okay. That makes it official. Into battle I go, then. You know, my friend the Atheist Pony warned me about you. Okay, okay. Stop looking at me all sorrowfully, I'm outie."