Friday, December 5, 2008

Derrumba su bloque!!! Fais tomber sa tete!!!

NEWS BULLETIN #1: I WANNA ROCK!
Aiiiie! This week, in between making 800 rose hip garlands (don't ask--sometimes I get a little carried away with "threading crafts") and glancing at my stack of work, I bought two most excellent games. Here's Game #1. Ball Flying Button Smashing ACTION! Mercy! Mercy on us! Ya know what this game is, right?

And, here's Game #2.Woo-hoo! I never had this one when I was a kid. Let's get a close-up look, shall we? Me: I like to read this in Spanish because it sounds even MORE exciting (doesn't seem possible, yes?) than the English version. Golpes Demoledorrrrrrres (I'm not sure, but that sounds more like "Hands of Death" than "Pile Driving Jabs" to me!)! Los Robots Luchadorrrrrres!
So, I sat back and I BEAMED with pleasure at the sight of my two new games.
And then, I looked around and I thought: "Oh, shit. Where's the adult to put them together?"

NEWS BULLETIN #2: YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY? (FRONT YARD TRUE CONFESSIONS)
UPS Helper Guy (wearing "plainclothes," loping off truck with two packages, uniformed UPS guy remains slumped behind the wheel, motor idling): "Oh, uh."
Sparkle (standing in front yard with Lily on leash): "HI! Could you please put those on the front step? How are ya today?"
UPS Helper Guy (loping down walk to front step): "Dude. I'm not good. This morning, first thing, dude, I fell off the truck, landed hard on my butt, and split my pants up the back."
Sparkle: "NO!"
UPS Helper Guy (placing package on step): "Yeah. I've been going around with them all day like this. You want me to put the boxes down here, so you can open the door?"
Sparkle: "Sure. Thanks! Hey, do you want a needle and thread or something?"
UPS Helper Guy (stops, lowers voice, gleam of hope in his eye): "Uh, do you have one I could borrow?"
Irate muttering is now heard from uniformed UPS guy slumped behind wheel: "Mwah MWAH MWAH MWAH."
UPS Helper Guy: "OH. GEEZ. We gotta keep moving. Man, I could actually use a little sewing machine for this [moving toward truck rapidly, tugging sweatshirt down over butt]. I've been pulling this down all day like this. It makes it hard to get stuff down from the truck."
Sparkle: "I cannot see a THING. I would never have known if you hadn't told me."
UPS Helper Guy: "I hope that's true for those nuns."

NEWS BULLETIN #3: MY NEW HERO
[The scene: Auto mechanic. The action: Sitting and waiting for my car to be inspected. I am talking to a house builder.]
House Builder: "So, I'm in Maine and I'm up on the roof finishing it up, and the guy from next door walks over to me with this little black thing in his hand."
Sparkle: "What was it?"
House Builder: "Keiko!"
Sparkle: "Awwwww!"
House Builder: "And the guy says, 'This is the runt of the litter. I got no use for it. I'm going to drown it."
Sparkle: "NO!"
House Builder: "Yep. And I say, "The HELL you're going to drown him! How much you getting for the rest of that litter? And, he says: '$300 each--they're purebred chows.' And I say, 'I'll give you that right now in cash, you hand me that puppy.' And, he says '$100 bucks if you get it out of my hair today.' Keiko and I haven't been apart since, right Keiko boy? I don't think he's a purebred--I think he's part lab--but that don't make a difference, does it Keiko? [Keiko wanders over, wagging tail, briefly considers lifting leg against waiting room couch.] Be nice, Keiko!" [Keiko stops lifting his leg, comes over, wagging tail.]

NEWS BULLETIN #4: SPARKLE TRIES TO BE A HERO
Driving down a little side street. A frail, elderly woman is slowly pushing a shopping cart along. It is very windy. A cloth shopping bag FLIES out of her cart and starts tumbling down the road. I pull my car over, stop, put it in park, run across street, grab bag, and run back to the woman with it.
Sparkle (out of breath): "Here you go!"
Frail Elderly Woman (looking shocked): "NO, NO, NO! You go ahead and keep it. You earned it."
Elderly woman is very decisive. Trot back to car, wondering if elderly woman thought I was so desperate for a shopping bag I stopped car and ran after it? Wonder if she thinks I am a shopping bag mugger? Mulling this over, almost run frail elderly woman down as she stands in crosswalk.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!