Friday, April 17, 2009

Why It's Good and Bad to Have an Editor Accompany You to the Hospital!

1) While you wait in pre-op for three hours, the editor will keep you entertained by rewording the pain scale and asking questions like, "Why is the little blue face smiling if it is annoyed? Does it enjoy mild pain? What kind of a freak is that little blue face?" and "How hard can it be to fit the word 'objects' in with the word 'Sharp' up there? 'Place sharp horizontally' sounds like those poorly-translated directions on firecracker packages." The editor will also say, "I like the use of italics in 'Please tell us if you are having pain...' Sparingly used for emphasis, italics can be quite powerful." This will be fun, I promise.

2) As you awaken from surgery, the editor will ask you questions such as "Are you going to tell the nurse your pain is 'unbearable and excruciating'? Why not just cut to the chase and scream 'MORE MEDS NOW!'" or "Don't you think they should add another smiley face to the chart? I think they need a really drugged-out, groovy-looking smiley face drawn with wavy lines. That's kinda how you look right now. Here, eat this graham cracker. I'm going to go tell the nurse that they need to add a wasted-looking smiley face to the chart. Be right back." This, too, will be fun.

Have a great weekend, and I hope your Friday is smooth and warrants the "No Pain" smiley face on the Wong/Baker Faces Rating Scale.