Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Picture This!

1) So, I'm walking through the woods near the farm on Sunday. I happen to glance over to my left and there are 12 magnificent deer about 20 feet away--yep, I'm pretty sure this qualifies as a herd--standing there looking at me. I freeze. We have a stare-down. And then, one by one, they all go springing acrobatically off through the woods with their white tails flashing. Boing...boing...boing...(They did not make that noise.) My camera was nowhere to be found. Thank goodness my cell phone takes pictures! It was at home, too.

2) So, I'm walking by a pond today. The sun comes winking in and out from behind a cloud. The pond is really full because of all of the rain, and it was looking all glistening and clear and pretty and picturesque. As I glance over to the far shore, I see a gigantic heron sitting there, posing in a very artistic manner and, staring back at me. Lily and I get closer and closer. I remember I have my phone with me, so I stealthily sneak it out of my pocket, spend fully 30 minutes fooling around with the buttons, and get a lot of pictures. Every five minutes or so, the heron strikes another majestic pose. Then it swoops over the pond, dips down, catches a giant fish, and strikes a pose.

All of the pictures are crap.

This is all I've got: a picture of the wettest Lily and me ever. We got caught walking in the woods in the rain last week and we were soaked. The one excellent thing about this picture (in addition to Lily, who doesn't look her cutest while wet but still is adorable) is that you can see the water dripping off my sweater.
Last week, a little boy offered me $500 for Lily.
Boy: "I LOVE this dog and I will give you $500 for her."
Me: "Oh, that's very nice, but I love her way too much to give her away."
Boy: "Well, she might become a bad dog. If she does, let me know."

Then the boy told me, "All dogs come to me because I can hypnotize them." He proceeded to attempt to hypnotize Lily while she sniffed his foot.

There is no picture of this, either.