Expressions and Signs

EXPRESSIONS
Occasionally, I see old photos of myself and I realize that I have had the exact same set of expressions for a very, very, very long time. Let me translate this one for you: (1) Are you putting me on and/or pulling my leg? (2) I am going to make a screwed-up face because I know that someone is taking my picture. (3) I see the man behind the curtain and I am paying attention to him. (4) The emperor wears no clothes. I don't do it on purpose; my face does this on its own. It is a wonder it has not frozen like this. Or, maybe it has frozen like this and my eyes are slewed across my face and my mouth is squinched up and I can't even tell.
SIGNS
Back in November, I did a post about hobos because they fascinate me. What I'm thinking today, 'though, is that hobo signs would be very useful off-road, as well as on-road.
Wouldn't it be great if n'eer do well nogoodniks sported a "Get Out Fast" or "Keep Away" symbol? It would save time, money, agita, social diseases! Or, maybe you go for a job interview and the place seems okay until, out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of a "Don't Go This Way" symbol on the wall next to a gigantic conference room. At that point, you still have time to flee when you find out they have daily staff retreats with trust exercises and sharing circles.

What extreme awesomeness would be wrought if a "Hold Your Tongue" symbol flashed in mid-air during some conversations? And, I really like the thought of an "At Crossroads Go This Way" sign popping up when I'm wrestling with life's most gristly and grisly decisions.
My favorite symbol is the "Don't Give Up" sign. I would like to see one on a magazine rack in an endless line at the supermarket. Or, sitting in your car, you look up and one appears on a 2-second green, 10-minute red stop light when traffic is backed up and you have an appointment.

Seriously, I wish I could put this sign in a spot where each person who needs it would see it. One problem--who the heck would know what it meant without this handy hobo sign cheat sheet? Clearly, the sensible thing to do* is to get my sorta niece's tagger boyfriend to make me a stencil with the symbol and the words Don't Give Up. I'm way too old to be a graffiti artist (how much are the fines, does anyone know--can I do time?), but I must say that I'm taken with this thought. Planting seeds of hope. Like Johnny Appleseed, but more like Jeannie Felonspray. That is all. Have a severely awesome day filled with profound awesomeness.**

*Okay. Maybe not clearly sensible.
**I have no idea why I'm talking like this, and I'm sure that it will pass. Hopefully, my written expression won't freeze this way.

BERTIE GOES HOBO!

[Before we begin, I recommend this book by Jack London! It's all available online with cool old photos. Now...on to today's action-packed post.]

Hey, Bertie! Check it out! I'm growing the elite team of rescue experts to help you save your pals from the robots! Actually, I'm a little bit concerned about Tippy the Turtle--he's lurking in the top of the jar in that "fish-to-be-flushed" kind of way--but you never wanted him anyway, huh? Anyhoo, here they are!I think they look a tad sluggish, but this is just the first day. I figure that if they come out looking not-so-elite I'll just hire a personal trainer for them. Like this guy:Bertie? Yoo-hoo...Bertie?

Holy cow. You know, I SAW that big, spotted handkerchief with all of Bertie's possessions lying near a stick last night, but I just thought, "He must not have put away his Halloween costume yet." I know he has been a little mad at me, but I never put two and two together. Good lord, much like these schoolchildren, Bertie has gone hobo!
How on earth will he survive out there? I mean, let's face it, dinosaurs have a very poor track record of surviving, period. But, let's review. He doesn't have any hobo soup, to my knowledge:
He doesn't know how to steal pies and run gleefully away:
He doesn't KNOW the hobo signs:
He doesn't HAVE a clever sign to help him raise $$$:
Most importantly, Bertie has NO idea how to ride the rails.
And he doesn't know how hostile it is out there! Hobos already have a very hard life. Does Bertie think it will be an easier for a small, plastic dinosaur hobo? C'mon!
A Chain Gang! Oh, man. Bertie is so screwed. But hang on, I just realized something. Bertie has had that sexy poster of popular children's program host Hobo Kelly on his wall for awhile. I don't think he realizes that Hobo Kelly is not on TV anymore! I bet he went out there to try to join HER gang of quirky creatures. GEEZ! Bertie chose Hobo Kelly over me! Dang it! I knew I should have purchased a jaunty little hat this fall. TARNATION! Well, at least I hope he writes a note to let me know he's okay. Hollywood is a meat grinder of wannabe stars. I wonder if he's gonna go hang out at Schwab's Drug Store or somethin'?
Attributions of images and photos: First one is mine, second one is from Popular Mechanics, hobo signs come from Slacktivate, the pie guy is by Norman Rockwell, the hobo under the train is from the book by Jack London, the picture of Hobo Kelly is from the Web site above, and I'm finked if I know where I got the rest of the images. In any event, all of this material is being used purely for educational purposes and I will be glad to take any images down if need be.