Nat's Dream: The Floating HoJo's

"Yeah. Nat here. I disapprove of everything. I've disapproved of everything since I hatched out of an egg that your brain is not equipped to imagine. (For the record: I disapprove of your brain's inability to imagine what my egg looked like.) Except for one thing. I have always approved of the concept of a Floating HoJo's. And now, my dream has become a reality. Pfft. Can you believe building such a big ship and not having any restaurants?"
"Nat, man, you're wrong. Again. Oasis of the Seas has, like a bajillion restaurants and I don't know what all--snack cabanas, munchy kiosks, formal dining experiences in each of the 'hoods, and possibly even trained "chip chimps" who run by and stuff Fritos in your mouth when you holler "Chip me, chimp!"
"Yeah, okay, so. I refuse to believe that because I refuse to believe that."
"You give me no choice, man, and I quote:
THE BOARDWALK
•Seafood Shack: A casual indoor/outdoor family restaurant on the Boardwalk; seafood, over-sized desserts and a vast selection of ‘mocktails’
•Boardwalk Bar: The main bar on the Boardwalk; offering fruit, salads and sandwiches
•Boardwalk Donut Shop: A classic haunt for casual snacks and delicious treats
•Ice Cream Parlor: A variety of ice cream flavors and toppings take center stage against a backdrop of 1950s kitsch
•Johnny Rockets: ‘50’s-style Diner with server-entertainers
CENTRAL PARK
•150 Central Park: A trendy, upscale and intimate restaurant with a tasting menu with customized wine pairings
•Giovanni's Table: An Italian trattoria with both indoor and alfresco seating featuring Italian classics served family-style
•Park Café: An indoor/outdoor gourmet market featuring salads, sandwiches, soups, pastries and to-die-for fudge
•Vintages: A wine bar with pre-dinner tapas and cheeses along with a robust selection of fine wines
•Chops Grille: Royal Caribbean’s signature steakhouse with views of Central Park, and premium cuts or quality meats
POOL AND SPORTS ZONE
•Solarium Bistro: A health-conscious dining option for lunch and healthful fare and dancing under the stars in the evening
•The Wipe Out Café: A casual self-service buffet with pizza, hamburgers, sandwiches and fresh salads
•Izumi Asian Cuisine: Featuring mouthwatering flavors and a sushi bar with hot-rock cooking
ROYAL PROMENADE
•Mondo Café: Open around the clock this café offers coffee, sandwiches and pastries like those found in Italy, Spain and Cuba
•Sorrento's Pizzeria: Featuring New York style pizza, with both made-to-order pies and by the slice
•Café Promenade: Offering Seattle’s Best coffee, fruit shakes, pastries and sandwiches all day
•The Cupcake Cupboard: Featuring fresh-baked gourmet cupcakes as well as parties and design classes
VITALITY AT SEA SPA AND FITNESS CENTER
•The Vitality Café: Offering healthy snacks, sandwiches, wraps, fruit and smoothies.
THE CLASSICS, Royal Caribbean hasn’t forgotten the classics of its fleet:
•Opus Dining Room: The ship’s main restaurant features a three-tier venue with a 1920s Art Deco style; flexible My Time Dining and traditional assigned seatings
•Windjammer Marketplace: A casual buffet fare for breakfast, lunch and dinner
•In-Stateroom Service: Order from the complimentary breakfast, lunch and dinner menus, or choose an original Johnny Rockets hamburger or Ghirardelli chocolate cookies from the new Dine In Delights menu
"I disapprove. I also note that you did not mention a Howard Johnson's, so I feel secure in my business plan to follow this ship around with my Floating HoJo's and its now-fully-functional fryolator."
"Howard Johnson's doesn't even EXIST anymore, Nat! THAT'S how much demand there is for it!"
"It's just not a vacation without HoJo's. Now, if you'll excuse me I must go make my 28 flavors of ice cream. I'm expecting customers any moment."

Dinosaur Casserole from A to Z

The Dinosaurs' Story from A to Z, from beginning to...?

Dinosaur Casserole, a set on Flickr.

But doesn't an oasis usually go in the DESERT?

"To me, an Oasis will forever mean: Hope, Crosby, an overly amorous camel, and a whole lotta sand. Sorry, I can't be swayed on this point. Anyhoo, Sparkle wants me to put this in. I disapprove. But, what are you gonna do?"

Superlatives!

Rex: "Hi, everybody! The super-cruise ship known as Oasis of the Seas has many superlatives associated with it!" 

Nat: "I disapprove of superlatives. If you advertise, it's good to say stuff is crappier than it is--then people can be surprised and be all, "This isn't crappy! Why this is almost great!" Low expectations. I thrive amongst low expectations. Of course, no expectations are even better." 

Rex: "Where was I? Hi, kids! So, Oasis of the Seas has many superlatives! And, these superlatives make it an awful lot like this blog. Let me give you some examples!"
 
Fact: Oasis of the Seas is "The largest and most revolutionary cruise ship at sea!" 
Fact: Dinosaur Casserole is "The largest blog featuring small plastic dinosaurs in cyberspace until someone tells us otherwise! While it is not revolutionary, it probably has something to do with evolution--loosely speaking!"
   
Nat: "This is stupid."

 

Rex: "Awesome, huh? Here's some more!"

Fact: The Oasis of the Seas features "...the first zip line on a cruise ship, a thrilling 82 feet ride (25 meters), in the Sports Zone [neighborhood], suspended nine decks above the Boardwalk!" 
Fact: Dinosaur Casserole will never have a zip line of any kind. That is so. However, Sparkle Plenty, creator of Dinosaur Casserole, has been quoted as saying "NO! I am super sure I won't ride the first zip line on a cruise ship--possibly any zip line on OR off any cruise ship."


Nat: "Coward. Dude, this is now painful. I gotta get outta here. I'm grabbing the "S" from the banner--despite its dubious strengths as a flotation device--and am-scraying."

 Rex: "Yes. I, too, find striking similarities between the Oasis of the Seas superlatives and those of Dinosaur Casserole!"

Fact: "The AquaTheater features first-ever acrobatic, synchronized and high-dive performances on the high seas with a talented cast of Olympic and National Collegiate Athletic Association divers." 
Fact: "Sparkle Plenty went to college. She can pretty much swim. At least she could do so the last time she went swimming. Yeah, possibly the water wings helped, but she was super afloat. She did not super drown! And, her performance was enjoyed by MANY. Including the toddler who rescued her!"

Nat: "AUGH!"

Rex: "So, to wrap up, I'll share two more astonishing superlatives; they are sure to astonish you."

 Fact: "Oasis of the Seas is the first ship to feature not one, but two FlowRiders in the Sports Zone."

Nat: "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! This is AWESOME!"

 

Rex: "YEAH! It IS awesome!...Wait...what is awesome?"

 

Nat: "Why why why...Never did I DREAM this was possible! The ship is gonna have two low riders?!!!! THIS IS IMMENSE! D'you think it's my friends, Hector and Manny? 'cause Hector has a sweet, tricked-out Impala and Manny's got that fiiiiine Lincoln Continental and...ALL MY FRIENDS LOVE A LOWRIDER!!! This is possibly the only thing I've ever approved of--next to the Floating HoJo's."

 
Rex: "FLOWrider...the first technology that allows the fun and excitement of surfing."

 Nat: "Excuse me. I must retreat and recalibrate my expectations."

 

Fact: The Oasis of the Seas Has Seven Godmothers!

"Hey! Good morning! Grab your cup of coffee and hold onto your hat, 'cause I'm about to tell you all about The Oasis of The Seas Seven Godmothers!!! There are seven 'cause the ship is awesome big and this is a super-innovative, super-cool approach to honoring the ship's "seven distinct neighborhoods!" What are the neighborhoods? Sure! I'll tell ya: Central Park, Boardwalk, Royal Promenade, Pool and Sports Zone, Vitality at Sea Spa and Fitness Center, Entertainment Place, and Youth Zone!"
"What the hell kinds of names are these for neighborhoods? Okay: Central Park. Okay maybe: Boardwalk--if we are playing Monopoly. But, Vitality at Sea Spa and Fitness Center Neighborhood? What kinds of ethnic restaurants will I find in this neighborhood? I don't even wanna think about the kinds of block parties they'd have. Carrot juice. Everybody would be walkin' around with fun flasks of carrot juice."
"Did you hear a little annoying squeak? Yeah, me too. Anyhoo! Here are the seven godmothers of the Oasis of the Seas: Daisy Fuentes, Shawn Johnson, Gloria Estefan, Michelle Kwan, Jane Seymour, Dara Torres, and Keshia Knight Pulliam! These seven awesome ladies were selected because they 'personify strength of character, exemplify the spirit of giving, and are role models for men, women and children alike!' Yaay! Let's hear it for these seven great gals!"
"I reject all seven godmothers. And, I shall replace them with:
1) Cher: Because she is three godmothers in one--gypsy, tramp, and thief.
2) Celine freakin' Dion: She was born to wear a sporty little yacht cap and hang out in the Entertainment Place and they are shying away from her because of the Titanic tie-in. Fess up, Oasis of the Seas: You are shying away from Celine Dion...Canadian, Humanitarian, and Logical Choice #1 for a Cruise Ship Godmother.
3) Okay, we can keep Dara Torres because she can help us swim to safety.
4) We are adding Tanya Harding. Show some guts, Oasis of the Seas! Give a gal--an athletic, strong gal who exemplifies a gritty kind of survivor courage that could be an example to the Pool and Sports Zone neighborhood--a chance. Moxie, initiative, and some strong Foxy Boxing skills. She's a lock.
5) OPRAH. Hello? What are you thinking, Oasis of the Seas? Pick a great big-hearted gal for a great big ship. She has Royal Promenade written all over her, dudes. Plus, she'll be a retiree soon and she won't have to be a greeter at Walmart if you hire her.
6) Newswoman Ann Curry--the only news anchor I trust to calmly and humorously tell me that the ship is sinking and I need to find Dara and Tanya to row me to shore.
7) Deceased comedians George Carlin and Mitch Hedberg. In drag. I don't care how many rules I am breaking with this controversial selection. They're a lock for Godmother #7. Wait. I need a Godmother for the Youth Zone. Crap. Okay, I'm adding Dick Cheney in drag as the Godmother for the Youth Zone because he will scare the crackers out of the wee ones and make them fall into a frozen silence, allowing me to enjoy my Mai Tais in peace.
8) Connie Selleca. It is a personal choice that I do not have to explain. It's a big freakin' ship. Make room for her. See? Now THAT'S a list of seven godmothers!"
"Sometimes it is challenging to be your friend, Nat."