Wednesday, July 22, 2015

JUST RELAX

Whenever I'm in a pickle, I turn to "Popular Mechanics" for advice. Today, Pop Mechs advises me to "Just Relax." While this is sound guidance for us all, I don't think it would work for me in the situation depicted--which is all about "falling well." I come from a family of spectacular klutzes. We fall up the stairs and break our arms. So, to my mind, the moves shown above are, to say the least, advanced. And confusing. Very confusing. Is the man breakdancing in the bottom panel? Is he doing some sort of interpretive dance to greet spring in the upper left photo? This whole article doesn't make me feel relaxed, it makes me feel nervous and inadequate. Not only am I destined to greet the pavement with my knees once every other day or so, but now I know I'll be doing it wrong.

You know what I could use? I could use something to say as I'm picking myself back up--"Don't worry, I'm a stuntwoman" or "Don't worry, I'm just relaxing"--anything other than "D'oh" which I overuse and should be forbidden to say anymore. When I'm en route to the pavement, I'm busy trying to think up ways to save face. I have no time to caper about mid-air, deftly twisting my legs up over my head as shown. Cats know how to do it. When they fall, they just pretend it never happened and stalk away.