Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Good Health and Good Livin'...The Rawleigh Way!

With Rawleigh's oh-so-easy good health tips, recipes, and patented medicines...

...you can turn your little brother into a calf...bwah ha bwah HA HA HA HA HA! (So there. Who's laughin' now, laughin' boy? If he's good, maybe you'll show him off at the 4-H Fair. If not, whatever.)
...you can be a geezer, or just look like a geezer!
...you can bake delicious treats with somethin' pale green that a scary guy concocted in his la-bor-a-tor-y......you can file a sweet lawsuit when some weird guy with a white moustache who drank too much Rawleigh'sTM Perk-Me-Up elixir sneaks up behind you and goes "DOOT!" to your neck because he thinks it's hi-frickin-larious. ...you can watch in amusement as your little brother's neck disappears and he simultaneously turns into the guy from "The Tin Drum." Decide not to eat the soup he just ate.
...you can have your next door neighbor come over after borrowing your riding lawn mower all half-naked and blubbering and stinkin' of Rawleigh'sTM Vibrant-SO! elixir and really embarrassing to you (you're wearing your cape--it's cape day, a day when formalities should be observed and you shouldn't have to deal with this debased sniveling) and he's like, "Dude...I drank the Vibrant-SO! and next thing I knew I thought it would be funny to drive your mower on that freshly-tarred street and it's stuck..." as you hold him at bay and fight the urge to thrash him with your cape.
...you can wake up one mornin' after tipplin' a little soothing Rawleigh'sTM Relaxo Syrup and find yourself wearing a sun bonnet and reading a letter from Aunt Peg. "Who's Aunt Peg?" you wonder softly....you can make your children go to work as nurses and doctors so you can have a little more quality "me time" with your Rawleigh'sTM Relaxo Syrup.
...you can have plenty o' pep to bonk some sketchy guy with a monocle and white moustache over the head with your Junior Scientist microscope. ...you can get to live at one with nature, under a tree, because your husband spent all of your life savings on Rawleigh'sTM "Oomph-it-Up" and he continues to cheerily maintain that "We'll be okay as long as we have our health and this one, good melon, by golly." Your remaining barrel of Relaxo Syrup makes this almost seem possible....you can, after you eat your Rawleigh'sTM Teeny Tot Oateenies, find that you can understand what chickens are saying and that they're really, really funny and that you'll just stay under this wagon forever chatting with your chickens! ...you can end up with one really short arm and one long, loopy-looking arm and not particularly care because you've got the world's supply of Rawleigh'sTM hard candy.
Have a Great Rawleigh'sTM Tuesday!

(Note: Rawleigh has been around for a very, very, very long time and they continue to sell spices, liquid vitamins, and natural supplements. Go Rawleigh! You can read their history and view their current product line on the Internets: http://www.rawleigh.net/.)