Monday, July 2, 2012

Adventures in Plumbing...and Research: Part 1

Right now, I'm doing a lot of research for my aunt and my friend. The research for my aunt involves water heaters and plumbers--I will be the out-of-state investor in her new water heater. The research for my friend involves doctors.

Yesterday, I spoke with my aunt 250 times by phone and my friend 75 times. That was cool, I love my aunt and my friend. But, I did find that I was getting confused. Occasionally, I found myself typing up notes that looked like this:

"30 gallons ONLY they'll be ripping you off if they try to sell you residency at University of California Davis, ranked 14th in nation."

I believe I have some rich blogging material in my plumbing conversations with my aunt. We'll see whether that's true when I write it up as Part 2 of this post.

I won't be bloogingTM(Bacon Ace) about the specifics of the doctor conversations, but I must say I know more about these docs than their mothers do. And, I'm kinda drawn to ranking them in odd and rather useless ways:

1) "I do not trust this surgeon's eyes. He looks like a Vegas blackjack dealer. Not a nice one who likes to talk."
2) "This guy seems awesome! He and his wife have the cutest Web site about having their baby boy! Weird! The Web site address is the same as the nickname we used to use all the time!"
3) "Okay, this guy is younger than the others. But, maybe that's good? His hands might be steadier. He won't be as bitter. Also, he might not have that yucky god-dy attitude. In fact, he might be like that young doctor I saw last spring! The one who had mellow jazz playing as I entered the room and who sent me a thank you note after he examined me--which would have been creepy if it was something gynecological but it wasn't so it was nice instead!"
4) "I have a good feeling about this one for no particularly good reason."

Well, sure. In addition to these "intangibles" I've compiled info re: educational attainments, residencies, and middle school science projects. I know who was voted the best by his peers and who's involved in a workman's comp lawsuit. But, I think something even more comprehensive would help--like IMDB profiles for doctors that give their best jokes and quips, summarize their best moments in surgeries, and tell you about upcoming projects.

Anyhoo, please enjoy this gallery of plumbing imagery as a Coming Attraction. And, as a sidenote, let me tell you that in a Google image search of "plumber's crack" the picture below was really the only slightly funny picture I could find. Here's the thing: Accidental plumber's crack is funny. Intentional plumber's crack, "hot" plumber's crack (this becomes possible when the plumber is female or a chiseled male), and "baby" plumber's crack just ain't funny.