Thursday, April 29, 2010

Salute to Old Stuff!

I thought my yard sale days were long behind me because how many mildewy-smelling Popular Mechanics does one gal need? (Answer: A lot. Too many. Possibly enough at this point in time. But, maybe not. Maybe if I find some that are NOT mildewy-smelling at all, and...)

I was wrong. These days, I'm a careful sniffer of goods* and I do not buy anything that smells mildewy (see above), but this yard sale thing is ON.

What This Does Not Mean: I promise that I will not be driving that car creeping along in front of you and lurching suddenly over when I see a yard sale sign and then darting back IN ahead of you. I promise.

What This Means: I salute your old stuff, and there's a chance I'll buy your old stuff--well, so long as it's not in a pawn shop after it has been stolen from your house.

My Caveat: Your old stuff must be like the stuff I bought at last weekend's yard sale. And, what is that stuff? Why I thought you would never ask. Here it is! (Perhaps best characterized as old, odd, and random--surely you have some stuff that meets those stiff criteria? If so, have a yard sale and I'm there.)

THE AERODYNAMIC WOODEN BEE (its eye is GOOGLY!)CLOSE-UP OF GOOGLY, SLIGHTLY BALEFUL, BEE EYETHE TINGLER! (a fine William Castle film starring Vincent Price...in movie theaters, Castle showed this with "Percepto"--the seats were wired to give people an electric shock)
THE SHOE STORE FOOT MEASURING DEVICE!CHINESE CHECKERS! (It has great pictures and says "CHING-KA-CHEK," which I really can't imagine is Chinese for "Chinese Checkers")
THE METAL CARDINAL WREATH (Sharp-edged, yet appealing)
THE FREAKY-ASS BOOK
This book just cracks me up--and is a tad scary at the same time. Here are all of the different types of eyebrows; the book tells you what they all "mean" about a person's character. (YIKES)Here's a little excerpt:
"Let us suppose you are examining a small man. From the rules in Chapter III you will know that most small men are very quick in both their thinking and their actions. And from your other observations you may feel sure that he is not an exception to that rule. So you tell him that he is impulsive, impetuous, and excitable. Does he start slightly or seem a little surprised? If he does, you have the green light. You can go ahead from there, elaborating and adding several closely related characteristics...Act as if he were an open book to you in which absolutely nothing is concealed."

Sparkle sez: If I'm shopping in the supermarket, see a small man, sidle up and examine him, and fill him in about himself, I imagine there is a high probability that he will "start slightly or seem a little surprised." In fact, I imagine this will be true of the "Jolly Fat Man" (Chapter II), as well as the "Shifty-Eyed Fellow" (Chapter IV). Don'tcha think?

*I do not want to read what this book has to say about the character of people who go around sniffing goods.